First off, the internet fast went very well. It lasted this entire past week, Sunday-to-Sunday. I joined another brother in most of the fast, so it was pretty cool to take part in God's fusing two lives together for a week. I came out of the fast with a greater appreciation for his friendship and a greater desire for more "formal" accountability with him from here on out. Love you, man. Thanks for everything.

Most of the fast, I honestly felt like I was only delaying the inevitable. I still had this undeniable itch for those cruddy videos, and for a while it felt like that itch just wasn't going away. But at some point this past Friday, I kinda "woke up," I guess. I'd spent the whole week without the stuff...and wasn't I doing all right? Wasn't I still breathing? I started thinking a lot about my future, and how this stuff just cannot be a part of it. I want to get out in the world, write my stories, and take advantage of this blessed opportunity to impact lives. I don't want to be locked away in my room, consumed by this crap.

The reason for my struggles before the fast (I think) was because of the uncertainty in my life: out of school, tired of this place I've called home the past ten years, and clueless about what to do / where to go next. And so I was selfishly acting out. Accomplishing nothing, really. Well...it was time to change that. Did I come out of the fast any closer to figuring out my life? Not really, no. But I've determined not to worry about that just yet. I've said it before, but I'll say it again: I'm so grateful for this novel, because it's keeping me busy until God shows me the next step / chapter / book. And so, I keep chugging...Thanks for all who prayed for me during the fast. You guys rawk.

Today is one of those few "milestone days" in my life. There was the day I moved from Pennsylvania to Georgia. The day my dad lost his job (the first time). The day I graduated high school. The day I graduated college.

And then there's the day my Annie died.

I can't believe it's been three years now. It's becoming less and less a recent-ish moment from my life, and more and more ancient history. I've long gotten over the heavy guilt I carried from her death...and in fact, I now wonder where I'd be today if she didn't die. What would I have missed out on? Would I have even found this Xanga / Facebook community? Would I have attended the Exodus Conference this past July?

Would I still be hopelessly consumed by my flesh?

I had trouble sleeping late last night, thinking of these things and more.

Lately I've been stuck on quite the amazing song:



I love the bridge, taken from Romans 8:28...

Me oh my crayfish pie, lo and behold, today is my birthday!

My Xanga birthday, that is. I've been eyeing this 24th day of October all month long, wondering what exactly I would say. A fellow blogger also recently celebrated his one-year birthday/anniversary on Xanga and did a line-by-line comparison of his life from his first entry a year ago to his life today. Mighty clever, I must say.

I thought about doing something similar for this special post o' mine, but rather than go through my first entry line-by-line, I'll simply allow you the easily accessible opportunity of glancing back with me. Click here for that thrill ride. Ah, the memories...

I look at my life today and my life a year ago and see some glaring differences - many good (great, even), and some, well, not-so-good. Oddly enough, one year ago I had a better grip (...wrong word, perhaps) on masturbation than I do today. Same goes with the lovely viewing material I had some trouble with several weeks back. To date, the second half of 2008 remains the "purest" stretch of time I've ever had with regard to this struggle. I'm not sure why this year has been harder for me to stay pure. Even after attending the Exodus conference in July.

And yet despite currently struggling with P/M more than I did a year ago, I've been incredibly blessed by this online community of brothers. I don't say it enough in these posts, and I know I don't talk with you guys one-on-one enough, but I want you each to know that I deeply treasure your input, your encouragement, your prayers, and your friendship. A year ago I knew none of you - which is such a wild thought. Now, I can't imagine my life today without having come across this incredible community. From Xanga to Facebook to ZOMGREALLYFE at Exodus, it's been an absolute pleasure getting to know each of you. And I sincerely pray I'll get to know y'all better in the coming year. As well as come across some new faces.

Take a moment to pray for these newcomers. They're out there, searching...somewhere...

A year ago my life was a whole lot more structured than it is now. I was in my second-to-last semester of college, busy with classes and blessed to have a steady job on campus. One year later, I have neither of those two things. I'm certainly grateful for no longer having to deal with the former (...for now, anyway...), but I'm anxious about no longer possessing the latter. I've applied at various places around the city, but have yet to hear back from anyone. I still have a little bit of money saved away, but it will only last me to the end of the year, tops. Plus, I have to start paying student loans in December. So...I need a job. Again, your prayers would be quite welcomed right now.

One year ago I was writing stories for a creative writing class; one year later, I'm writing a novel. Pretty crazy. As a general update for those of you that may not know, I've already finished my first draft and gone ahead and made most of the major changes that needed to be made upon looking over it. I'm now almost one-third of the way through my second draft as I twist and tweak various little things here and there. I hope to finish this thang by year's end. And then start looking into publishing...yikes.

So, I'm kinda "floating" right now, but I'm trusting God. Which brings me to this last topic...

I just wanna close this special entry with a reminder to you all that God is faithful. Recently I'd been reading and hearing a lot about "the Name of God." Two or three mornings in a row during my quiet time, I'd read about God's Name being described as a "strong tower" (Proverbs 18:10) among other such comforting/rescuing things. And then when I went to church on Sunday (for the first time in nearly a month due to vacationing and sickness), what did my pastor start preaching about? The Name of God. Of course.

I've found that God speaks to me a lot through things "aligning" like that. The other day I had been thinking about the song, "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller, and suddenly I got a random "chain-text" from a friend with that exact song playing in the background. Another time I heard a song at church that I hadn't heard in years, years, years, and after mentioning it on Facebook, another friend said she'd just heard the same song herself for the first time in years at her church. Just one of those great, random things. Gentle reminders.


I've never really thought about the Name of God as being more than just that: a name.


But God's Name holds so much power. It's more than a Name. It's His character. His reputation. His unceasing faithfulness. Said David of the uber-scary Goliath, "The LORD, who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine" (I Samuel 17:37). I dig David. Whereas the Israelite army and even his own brothers rebuked him, scared to death of this nine-foot wonder, it was so ridiculously clearly black-and-white for young David: God had been faithful so many times before. Why would He walk away from His children now?

(Spoiler: Goliath died.)

You guys have been so encouraging to me this past year, and I hope I've been able to offer just an ounce of that back to you in return. 2008-2009 has been quite interesting. Lots of ups...lots of downs. But through it all, He is faithful. And I can't wait to see what 2009-2010 brings.

I hope you'll continue along with me in this crazy venture of life in the many years to come. We will overcome...by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony (Revelation 12:11).

Blessings upon blessings,

tom